Stolen from Ms. LeBlanc

Face it, you all love a dash of plagiarism here and there. "Steal this hook," as it were, because "Oh look! He's using My work!" (^_^)

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
by Portia Nelson
Heavily Modified by Jason Simac

I. I walk down the street.
There's a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost.....I am helpless; it isn't my fault.
It would take forever to find a way out, I force the issue expensively.

II. I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I dodge it. They push me in and say "well that's life, son."
I can't believe I am in the same place;
but it isn't my fault.
I harness my sense of rage and frustration and find a Better way out, though it takes a while.

III. I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there. There is the slightest statistical chance I Let them push me in, but this time by God they are coming with me.
My eyes are open. They are trembling. Inside the deep hole where I know there are no witnesses, I see to it that they will never mess with deep holes or other people again.
I know where I am, and ironically people think I have no negative side, yet:
It is my fault.
I get out immediately, but wipe the blood from my lips first.

IV. I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
Some poor creature got shoved into it, I try to help them out, but often can't because they cannot see me.

V. I walk down a different street. I am very wary of new holes.

Next Week!

My first post on Blogger was May 30, Last Year. Can you see where this is going? I am about to celebrate my first year of Blog!

Blooooooooooooog! BlahhhhhhhhhhG! blahg blahg blahg! Bliggity Blaggity BLOOOG! and some of you, I should point out, have been reading this crap for a year now! blawwwwwwww -gue!

S'right, you love it, don't ya? S'a right interactive blog digitally mediated form blog of communication, demo-blog-cratic in nature and open to blog anyone with a compy 286 blog at their disposal. S'gonna revolutionize the way we hear those four little letters: B-L-O-G! BlOg! makes it happen, Blog! writing together.

Try reading this blog aloud and you will find that if you say "Blog" quite enough it seems to sound strange, unnatural, alien in fact, and kinda rather somewhat meaningless. I experience the same phenomenon with other words sometimes. try saying "boing" all day long and see where it gets ya.

You may miss everything in between, but Tune In Next Week! for the very special first annual, perennial favourite; The Anniversarial Simacian Blog - Command Performance for her majesty Princess Steph. It's 48 hours of Blogging mayhem, Mayhem, MAYHEM!!! See the amazing car crushing, flame breathing entry Blogzilla as it chews its way through paragraph after paragraph, Stare in awe as Big Daddy Don Bodean's Monsterblog Blogula brilliantly blogulates the audience.

I reckon I'm getting a little too excited. Do not call me Big Daddy Don Bodean. Please. Well, I suppose Some of you can. (As well you know). The rest of you shouldn't.

See ya next week?

Minor disappointment

Because every day should have one, here I go:

No email? None? Empty G-mail box. Empty Groupwise. Even the advertisers have failed to offer me something to make me more manly, more healthy, a better mortgage or what have you in my hotmail inbox.

*sigh* I feel so unloved.

A note of thanks

It is a long held belief for me that my greater successes are never mine alone. The end of this degree is therefore a testament to not only my own perseverance, but the ongoing support of others. Let me acknowledge you all, without whom I could not have done this.

Obviously I am going to start with my parents, who were instrumental in my continuing education. Had they not been just as interested in me getting along in life (and perhaps More so) I would not be where I am today. In Sudbury. Wondering if a bus will come along... Hahhh, kidding!

Of course no man is an island and I would surely be locked away in Algoma at this very moment without the constant understanding and companionship of specific friends. Jenny Hazelton and Andrew Root, you are a big part of my success. Thank you.
Virginia MacFarland, Peter Hewitt and Sandra McMillan (the first friend I made in Sudbury); you have also been cornerstones in my empire and I thank you.

I would like to mention Ami Lowe, without whom I would never have even come to Sudbury. In all odds, I likely wouldn't have ventured onstage if it weren't for Ami either so Thank you, Ami.

Once in a while you meet a person that changes the way you look at the world, or is it that they change the world itself? The whole point of life is to seek these people out and honour their influence. Thank you, Louise Chauvin/Kowalski/Boyd/Currie! Should I get on that tramp-steamer headed for Jakarta, Madagascar, Malawi, the Tasmans, Ankara, Crimea, Kilimanjaro with stops in Ipanema, Tierra del Fuego, Cape Good Hope, Amundsen Station, Champs-elysees, okefinokee, Babylon! and connections to Oceania, Singapore, The Hague, Sugarloaf, Russia, Orange County(s), Azteca stadium, North Pole, St. Andrews, etc., etc... *Ed,: You will have some cool postcards*

There are more people to thank of course. It is early morning and I am not going to go on at length right now. It is a good day. Clear weather. I am going to try and be productive...

-right after this coffee...

I've been having trouble with snappy titles lately

Back on track, gotta get back
Clickety Clack get back on track
Snikket Snak get back get back
Clickety get on clackity track
back- backity track get
Snik snak lack
ov track a-back on track (baktrak!)
tricky to get on clackity track
it's a trick to click
snip snap the trap to clack
no lack of track so snap get back
on the clickety clack, Jack!

...

I think I am losing my mind...

at least partially.

I was going to leave it at that, but I will venture that many who read this can in some degree relate. That's Probably the reason why I bothered to make such a statement. It does seem easier when you Know that you are not alone. Share the hardship I suppose.

Winning really isn't everything...

If you read the previous entry, you may be shocked to see that I am not touting my team, the winningest team in World Cup history, for the trophy this year. That's right, it would be nice, but a feeling in my bones says not this time. Besides, if they win too much it will just get boring, won't it?
There are other countries that I would have no problem taking the cup this year. This short piece is about them.
Spain is a team that has been quite strong for a long time now, and every cup I think they might pull it off.. maybe, maybe. Hasn't happened yet, but I like them and part of me wants to see it happen for them.
Portugal I feel the same as I do for Spain. They seem to be slightly less the team than Spain overall, but I like 'em!
Korea gets a good mention cuz they got heart (not 'have' heart), Not a Very well developed style, but they are fun to watch. Their essentially underdogginess in previous years garnered them much popular support.
Ukraine, I did mention, holds a particular emotional draw. Beyond that I'm sure my friend Tia would love to see them take the cup.
God this could take a while! I shall speed us along. The Czechs, Mexico, Côte d'Ivoire, Sweden, Paraguay, Ecuador and perhaps even Poland are all teams i am favourable to in varying degrees. I wouldn't mind seeing any of them stand supreme.
Clearly some of these are more likely than others. Korea, Ukraine (sorry Pip), Poland and likely Portugal are more remote chances for contention.
The Czechs, Mexico, Sweden and Spain seem much stronger to make it to the final duel. Some; Paraguay, Ecuador, Côte d'Ivoire I am not sure where to place them. They have potential, just as the Swiss, Netherlands and Croatians, - and Serbia Montenegro! Wow. These guys all have the potential...

How exciting!

The World Cup, or "C" = death!

I wrote this for someone dear who wanted to watch the cup with me. Circumstance and distance intervenes on that front, but I can still talk Turkey! If not this cup, then the next one.

In a few short weeks this site will be overrun by footie. Anyone even vaguely close to me has heard it mentioned plenty now. The commercials are trickling through the television channels, but soon it will be a media flood. Why? Because simply put, the World Cup is the single largest international event. It is The tournament. It is The definitive competition of the World.
So here I am offering the reader my assessment of how the first round will go. For those who have no idea of the setup, there are eight groups of four teams, within the groups there are playdowns to see who will progress to the next round. Keep in mind this is informed guesswork. Some of it Should be wrong, if only for statistical purposes. Of course Vegas bookies and professional commentators screw up too, so no apologies. Here we go:

Group A: This consists of Germany, Costa Rica, Poland and Ecuador. I like this group and hesitate to call it quickly. Many will say that clearly Germany will go through. Well that wouldn't surprise anyone at all. I don't know about their keeper, Kahn. Apology to an anonymous friend who liked Kahn very much, but he's older now, I'd like to see new blood. It's not that I Dislike Kahn, he's a solid keeper, but frankly he wasn't Aaaaalllll that. Alright, I will concede Germany going through, but I am going to say they go with some losses. It's funny, some people call the German style boring. I suppose I can see why, but there is a mechanism to it, method. When the machine is tuned it can really shine, and I can appreciate that.
I honestly don't know who of the other three are going to progress because I didn't do my homework. I am thinking Ecuador, but have no basis. That makes things shorter eh? I was thinking that if I cannot be in Germany, then it would be good to be in Poland, where many of the world's most beautiful women will need some serious consoling in the event their team is out.
But! Poland may yet go through with Germany. I cannot speak for Costa Rica. It's Poland or Ecuador and I like them both. In fact if Germany were knocked out and Poland and Ecuador progressed that would be a thing!

Group B: This consists of England, Paraguay, Trinidad & Tobago and Sweden. Ah Hell, the hard stuff first! What I am thinking (and there is definite emotional bias here), is that Sweden will go through. I say this without knowing how they've been recently. The second position will be a struggle between England and Paraguay. Frankly I would like to see Paraguay go through, and god knows England has made some pre-emptive noise about players they cannot field. That is to say, their excuse for any losses is pre-established PR. That sounds vindictive, but I've met Real British soccer fans, crazed and kicked off the continent soccer fans. Of course South Korea is in this cup again and y'know what they say, Tommy, "it comes in threes..."
I think this will be a pretty close group, excepting Trinidad & Tobago. By all means if T&T can put the boots to any of these teams, kudos to them. I cannot think of any time I have seen that team play, so no idea what to expect.

Group C: I am thinking this is the Real group of Death. Argentina, Côte d'Ivoire, Serbia & Montenegro, Netherlands. History says that the first and last of these will make the next round. Of all the groups, it seems to me that there is more potential for upsets here than anywhere else. In the last decade I have developed a taste for African football. It isn't my favourite, but we all have to agree it is developing well, it is increasingly effective and it is fun to watch. I have no particular feelings about Argentina or Serbia & Montenegro either way. One is a giant, the other a potential giant slayer. All I ask is some interesting matches. I have a fondness for Netherlands and even more so for Côte d'Ivoire as they are new-ish and kind of underdog-ish. I am sure this group will provide some serious excitement and hopefully some interesting surprises.

Group D: Mexico, Iran, Angola, Portugal. Iran, eh? I am glad that the Yanks aren't in the same group. Sorry, Iran, you seem like the valiant effort, but ultimately feckless character. If I am wrong I will literally print this sentence and eat it. Further if I am wrong, then good on ya and congratulations. But it won't happen. Who shall take a commanding run through this group? mmmmmMexico! That's right. I like Mexico. I am pulling for them straight off, told you this was biased! They have some of the world's top footballers at the moment, they are in good form, they are plain cool.
Portugal I also like and I expect them to come through second. Now Angola may or may not be a contender and it's good either way. It sucks to watch no-challenge soccer. Every fan wants to think "their team" really earned their progression, so having stated I prefer Portugal and Mexico, good luck to you Angola, I am eager to see what you will make of yourselves.

Group E: Italy (Eeeeeeeeta-lee), Ghana, USA and Czech Republic. I had heard that Italy was actually crying that once again, they are caught in the group of death, though I haven't verified the report. Eh! Relaxxi! I foresee Italy going through, even if it isn't smooth as glass. A single loss in the opening round seems to shake each of my friends who are rooting for Italy. A thought on Italian style: Get out there, score, lock down the field with ironclad defense. Yes, it can be right fuckin' boring at times, watching the Azzuri. On the other hand, it is a thing to see when a team is under fire, to be able to defend wave after wave of furious onslaught. I am thinking of a specific game I watched with the Italians once, where they were getting from all sides and only let one goal in. Other teams would have been scored on four or five times. Impressive.
Ghana. Hi Ghana! How've you been? K, well there's refreshments here and dinner will be on shortly, go ahead and mingle.
I expect the Czech Republic to go through to the following round. In fact, I expect them to go through more definitively than Italy. Given their rank, their history, their secret weather control machine to be used for world domination... The Czechs are always fun to watch, and I like them. It's not Extra-special like or anything, but you have to appreciate high talent.
I am counting on America to introduce the element of surprise here. Didja get that America? I am counting on you for something. If you don't deliver that's fine, but if you do deliver please fail to think I owe you anything. I believe it's possible, it's certainly happened before and so a bit of mix up could certainly provide a modicum of thrill and pleasure from the Yanks.

Group F: "F" for "Favourite" ya think? Damn straight, because this group has the team I think of as "my team." Hey, mock me if you will, but remember that a lot of you are Toronto Maple Leafs fans... (buuurrrrrrrrn). Brazil. Croatia. Australia and Japan. I always acknowledge the chance of an upset, which is exactly what it will be called if Australia or Japan (or Both!) go to the second round. I like Japan, I have nothing at all against Aus, but we all know...
Brazil. This is my team. I would love to share them with you, by all means may Brazil be Your team. I have been a fan of Brazil for a long time. Longer than some of you have been alive in fact. For those of you who are familiar with the epithet of "The Beautiful Game" which is now applied to soccer in all it's glorious manifestations; it came from the development of a Brazilian style of play. Remember? I spoke about German and Italian styles? In the 70s a dutch guy created a style called "total footbal." The Brazilian style of "The Beautiful Game" emphasizes skill, flair and panache in play. It makes art of the game. When watching the Beautiful Game you see the Love of the Game more clearly than anywhere else. Brazil!
There is another side here. Yes, Brazil Should have had the cup in France, let's not raise the dead again. What I want to express is that the attitude and feeling behind this team is more important to me than being the best in the world. I would indeed be stunned and sad if they did not progress. That said, I expect them to, though I would bet they do Not win the cup. Perhaps I am not a good fan, but I am perfectly okay with a number of other teams taking the cup this year. (It would be nice if they had to fight Brazil for it).
Croatia is an unusual nation for this tournament. When they are "On" they are unstoppable and can go toe to toe with Anyone. Anyone, even with My team. The problem is the difficulty in determining when they will go Off. They can power along and very suddenly they will lose steam and that very fast. Nonetheless, when they are On they give some of the most watchable plays around. I like the team because of this. They have heart and I wish them well.

Group G: France, Switzerland, Korea Republic and Togo. Many of you will be pointing out that it should be South Korea... gotcha. Um, France is a threat that I don't care for. What can I tell you? I don't hate them, though Bartez certainly looks suspiciously like Moby, I just don't have anything For them. Nope, I like the Swiss and the Koreans. I would like to see those two go through. Togo, I know nothing of you. I am ignorant, but I do like surprises.

Group H: Spain, Ukraine, Tunisia, Saudi Arabia. I expect Spain to progress as they usually do. I like Spain a fair bit actually. Saudi is likely in my mind to get nowhere. Fast. Weren't they the ones that got hammered 10-0 in a recent cup? Not sure, Harsh. So Ukraine and Tunisia. Well I have already said that I like the African nations generally, but this time I have an emotional investment. Ukraine, according to my sources has performed admirably leading up to this competition. Spain, Ukraine - right Pip?

Antonio, not Inigo

Well, I will be taking the role of Antonio NoLastName, in the play Twelfth Night as may have been mentioned. I keep wondering how to present this character, but no matter what I explore it always degrades to "is it... hot in here?.. perhaps I should take my shirt off..." and this never lasts too long because in no time I am standing with a sword drawn saying "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

For those of you who were fooled alongside me, the subtitle of the play is Not "The Orgy."

Actually, I have to go run lines right now. Yes, immdediately. More on Antonio, my alter ego soonish.

I got a phone call today

And it made me very happy.

Now I just need a call from work

and one from school...

Allllllll goooood karma sent my way will be returned tenfold. Or threefold. depends on your belief system. It must be the God of diminishing returns.

Dogs are Stupid

I apologize to those of you who have dogs. I will readily admit that they consistently show signs of intelligent behaviour, except for those dogs that in fact, Don't.

The concern I am writing about today is automotive in nature, of course. It seems that when engines leak coolant dogs have a thought process which approximates (depending on the translator) the phrase "Mmmm! Candy! Lucky me!" Likka likka likka, Dead Dog.

I am told they think it's sweet. Now: for stupid reasons that require no explanation I Have tasted the stuff, and it's gross. There is an aspect of its taste that says "Not Naturally Occurring," and it is because of this that the title is dogs are stupid.

Now people it might not be Your dog, but the neighbour's dog or what have you. Simple additives on the ground like Cayenne pepper or salt would likely drive the dog away. So if you are aware of leaking fluids from the car please do something about it because in half an hour a dog can go from full throttle to dead.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This part has nothing to do with dogs. It is dedicated to the woman behind me who looks about 45 or so and apparently in this time has never learned to Stop Snorking and Blow Yer Damn Nose! It is more annoying than non-sequiturs.

Better. I feel better.

*sigh*

it's just one thing after another, eh?

Vitriol and Stale.

Yes. I wanted to start on a positive note like that; "yes." Why? because that last blog was soooo intensely caustic.

Now I make no apologies for being caustic. Those of you who really know me, know that I will occasionally be like that just to maintain balance. What I DO apologize for is giving no forewarning and sticking it unconnected in another blog.

Cheap Shot. Only Ayana needed to see that and instead you all receive a stream of invective flowing like the river Styx. Sorry. Sorry 'bout that.

That shit gets stale fast, but so does Overapology. Speaking of Stale! I sent mail to someone very important a few days ago, and got a message today saying the daemon couldn't deliver it!

I re-sent it inside another, longer mail. I hope this makes amends. I hope this keeps things even keel. What do you think? Would you be appeased? I hope the old note is not "stale" and unwanted at this point.

Other People's Blogs

Right you crazy freaks, I am offering a word in explanation. Yes you are all dear to me and yes I read your blogs. Ironically, a whole Load of you are requesting this of me at a time when there are a few critical little things to take care of. I assure you, I am getting to your lovely words.

You will notice yet another link in my sidebar. As mentioned I have not had time to read it yet, but Ms. Leblanc was going to set fire to my house if I hadn't put it in. As usual, the opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect the blah blah bl-you know this spiel...

For those of you who Did go to Mr. Tihor's site and found little there, go back again later I urge you. Then if there is still little there we can prod and taunt him until he writes for us. Honestly, I would not still think of this fellow as a brother if he didn't have Some entertainment value. ;) Hehehhh

Ohhhh! Gaaaawd! I accidentally deleted three legit comments from cool users, to remove one comment from AyanaDiana41 or somesuch.
Let Me Tell Ya 'Bout AyanaDiana, the fuckin' cunt... Who the HELL she thinks she is coming round to advertise here I have no concept of, But Ayana - you used up piece of fuckin' jet trash, you rash on my ass in the summer heat, Go Die. There was zero indication that we wanted your SPAM - YES it IS spam, too, regardless of what your Loser American Laws state.

SPAM! Your bullshit ads for bullshit consumerism can Kiss My Pearly Northern Ass, you sperm-burpin' gutter slut. Do Not come around here with your non-talkin' shadow of substance. I do not care if this is your job or what have you, you pigfucker. Stay away.

Needless to say that this goes for anyone attempting this shit.
That is it for now, but possibly more after a quick cuppa...