Bongiorno, Avespa!

Mr. Root came over to watch some Izzard the other day. We sat in the doorway while I smoked, for it is not good to smoke in the house. I passed through this same portal I speak of a dozen times that day. Once there was a honkin' big damned flying, stinging insect. I killed the insect and wondered where it came from. Whatever.
Yesterday I opened the door to find out precisely why there have been three wasps in my house in the last week. There is, as some of you psychic types already realized, a paper nest half the size of my fist hanging in my door frame for the world to see and recoil in horror at.
A freakin' Nest in construction! I can hear you all gasping and thinking 'what would I do if it happened to me?' Sit back and I will tell you what I did. First, I thought, I needed a ranged weapon. If any of you have ever gone into hand to hand combat with a wasp (especially a large one) you realize the odds are against you. It's not the sting of course, but the fact that they have six arms. Let me do the math for you: it means you are outgunned three to one just for starting.
I reasoned that if there is poison in the little bugger's tip, then I should retaliate with poison and feel no moral quandary with it. Weapon of Choice (not Christopher Walken) Windex. Yup, cuz it has a significant amount of ammonia in it and ammonia kills well over 99.9% of known lifeforms. Further, one shot in mist form and a flying thing of 3 grams or less will simply drop to the floor and be confused for a moment.
Can't you just see the vicious winged terror getting to (all six of) its knees and pondering: "well I was flying a moment ago..." Yes, that evens the odds plenty I'd say.
It was windex that also comprised the main assault on the wasp outpost, a branch office of Stinging Buggers Inc. Perhaps one day I will find the head office and take my consumer complaints right to them, but likely not. No really, I don't care if you're a wasp, I really don't. Just don't build your house onto mine. Just don't fly in like you own the place. Like the Jehovah's Witnesses have been known to do. Come to think of it, a lot of Them are wasps too, eh?
My longest standing friend Lara Thornton once brought a paper wasp nest to school for show and tell. It was so cool! A little frightening too, though. The nest was about.... two feet tall? Yup.
More on this later... Rehearsal now.

To all of you I haven't been in personal contact with lately, forgive me, it has been a long and hard working week. There have been very early mornings (for me) and extended days (also for me). There has certainly been some fun along the way (all for Me!) (k, mostly for me). Look for Bongiorno, Avespa! part 2.
(the title is Italian for Good Morning, Wasp!, in case you didn't have that figured).